Still thinking...

What does it take to make a marriage last?
I’ve played with the thought of marriage for some time now. I’ve always wondered why people get married so quickly and most divorce quickly even if they take their time. I might not be like other guys cause of some of the statements I’m going to make. But ladies, believe there are guys who truly feel this way even though they might not say it. First off, REAL MAN want a beautiful wife that is his taste in women. But, as beautiful as you are on the outside your heart must match. Real men look for qualities that are of a friend, lover and mother to his children. The best start for me after this is done is to see what her family is like. Not, to say that this may not differ but, to view the family is a great way to see what you’ll be joining for life. That is the honest truth! It’s funny when the family is investigating me I’m doing the same to them and they have no clue. If you’re a big family person it would be difficult to be with someone whose family could care less about each other. It is always good to know about illnesses in the family as well as criminal records. Some may not care but, in the end you’re exposing this to your children one day if not known. The best question is “what is your credit like and can you manage money?”
For some reason people look at me differently when I tell them it would be hard for me to wife a woman who has been with a woman. There’s the silence and the look like a deer in headlights. Sorry, if this is you right now. But, controlling your thoughts at times can be hard and it takes a special individual to control them. I believe people’s past can heal over time but, the scar remains. I struggled to make good decisions but, always knew the things I did could come back to haunt me and the future I planned to create. How could I have a wife that has a thing for a woman? Nothing last that is unequally yoked. In the past as a single man, I was cool with it because it’s what the ladies may have enjoyed, so the young side of me back in the day would explore. But, as I grow older even though still very young it’s considered playing with fire to me. Knowing what I’m building in life and the ideal family would not make it to prosperity if I slip in a moment of play. The hardest thing for me to do years ago at a time like this is to think of ways to exit the situation. Instead, my mind is on how many different ways I want to please you and how far I can reach inside.

The game has changed in so many ways. I’ve always said that most thugs died off years ago when thugging was because of circumstances not just something cool to do. To be GQ and every ladies fantasy was in. This was the 90’s to me. When a lame was the one in the club throwing his money out cause he couldn’t speak to a woman. The one who didn’t know how to listen to her and understand what it was she’s going through. Looking like a fool because he didn’t have enough conversation to break down how much he wanted to be with her for a night. True enough playas had game back in the day but, it was with class and somewhat romantic. So deep that I’m not just making love to your body but your mind as well! I could even look at you and visualize what I’m going to do to your body and the reaction you would have. It was so good and you liked it but, the problem was I never touched you. Your mind is blown because you can’t understand why my kiss is different and the only one that gives you goose bumps. Getting ready in the bathroom wondering how come your knees shake and your hands sweat. Dam, I’m not even in your bed yet! With intimacy while you’re looking at me. No, really looking into my eyes deep into my soul and I’m looking at yours realizing how much I want you. How it feels so much like we’ve done this before. It started off one night bliss and now feels like a 2 years kiss. Now you’re confused thinking what have I done to my-self? What was supposed to be a one night thing now has you dreading never to experience this again. The ironic thing is that I feel the same way. Holding each other closely not knowing what the other is thinking but, wondering DAMN could you be the one! Our bodies were at play but, our spirits were too! Somewhere time stood still and I’m breathing the same as you.

Has this enjoyment become just something to do? As it was then with a feeling of passion even though still done now. The swagger is lost and not embedded in those who roam to conquer for a night. The dead walks only to multiply.